Veterans' Journeys Home by Holyfield Lori;

Author:Holyfield, Lori;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Taylor & Francis Group
Published: 2016-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

The Shame-Anger Spiral

Sociologist Erving Goffman’s attention to embarrassment reveals that, as social actors, we are all vulnerable to both esteem and disrespect from others, real or imagined.82 Shame is similar to embarrassment in that it can be found in social situations where deference is either bestowed or withheld. In the military, rank is nonnegotiable. It determines deference. Chapter 2 revealed that early phases of military training are built on the concept of erasing old identities through a host of “degradation ceremonies.” 83 Recruits are subject to repeated rituals that demean, embarrass, humiliate, and shame in order to build a soldier identity that leads to obedience to command, discipline, and the proud status of soldier. When soldiers cannot live up to the illusory warrior archetype, they often feel they’ve fallen short, and too often agents of social control (command, fellow soldiers) and even well-meaning social support groups (mental health, family members) allow this process to occur.

Sociologist Thomas Scheff connects micro-level emotional processes of shaming with deference, adapting Cooley’s (1918) concept of the “looking glass self,” the notion that our perceptions of ourselves are the result of social interaction and perceived judgments by others. Like Cooley, Scheff assumes we are always in a state of self-feeling, particularly that of pride or shame. Self-monitoring is inherent to social life. Mutual respect and solidarity lead to pride and other positive feelings. But, Scheff adds, “when there is a real and/or imagined rejection on one or both sides (withdrawal, criticism, insult, defeat, etc.), the deference-emotion system may show a malign form, a chain reaction of shame and anger between and within the interactants.”84 When shame goes unacknowledged—and Scheff argues it typically lies just below the surface of awareness—it can be a force for alienation and breakdown of social relationships. Conversely, Scheff argues, acknowledged shame can lead to healthy reconstruction of our social bonds, but when denied or repressed, it activates what he calls the “shame-anger” spiral that reveals itself through interpersonal and group interactions. According to Scheff, the process begins early in male socialization, but it occurs at individual, group, and even national levels.

In addition, Scheff explains that “overt undifferentiated” shame creates painful feelings, but the real source is hidden or unknown to an individual or group. “Bypassed shame,” on the other hand, is evidenced by hyperactive behaviors that attempt to avoid painful feelings, leaving shame not only unacknowledged but often externalized as anger toward others. Embarrassment, while a more immediate reaction to a particular exchange, can lead to shame over time. Similarly, sociologist Susan Shott views shame as a particularly important indication of social control.85 It can be seen as the label given to physiological arousal that others or the self interpret as “deficient behaviors” and/or having behaved “incompetently.”86

Guilt, on the other hand, results from a sense of having failed to live up to moral codes. “Survivor guilt” is a significant experience for some. One veteran returned home to be married on leave and during his leave a member of his unit was killed. He cries as he tells of the death: “I wish I had been there for my unit when that happened.

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